Small Talk

I’ve been watching a lot of Monk reruns lately. I love trying to figure out the case and identify the murderer before Monk or the police do. Plus, I can relate to Monk. I don’t suffer from his phobias, but I am socially awkward. Like Monk, I have a hard time making small talk with co-workers and acquaintances.

Monk deals with this problem by making conversation flash cards. He writes down questions, anecdotes, facts about pop culture, and even commentary on sporting events on flashcards. Then he will pull these cards out of his pocket and read them verbatim during a discussion. It’s pretty awkward.

While I don’t recommend walking around with conversation notecards in your pockets, it is a good idea to have some conversation starters in your mind that you can use when you are in a situation that requires small talk. Here are a few topics that usually work for me:

Weekend Plans — If it’s a Thursday or Friday, you can always ask about people’s weekend plans. “Any good plans for the weekend?” This shows interest in the other person’s life and allows them to share some of their hobbies with you. You might find that your co-worker likes camping, or is a performer in a local play, or is moving to a new apartment over the weekend. Store those tips away for later, because on Monday or Tuesday you can always ask them, “Hey! How was the camping trip you went on last weekend?”

TV Shows, Movies, and Books — I like this topic because it can lead to discovering that you have similar interests to your co-workers which can lead to more conversations. If your co-worker is an avid reader, you can ask, “So, what book are you reading now?” or “Did you get a chance to read any good books over the summer?” If they are not into books, you can always ask, “What TV shows are you into now?” or “Have you seen any good movies lately?” or “Do you plan on seeing that new superhero movie that’s coming out?” Even if they respond with a TV show or book that you have never heard about, you can follow up with, “I’ve never heard of that. What’s it about?” This will allow the other person to talk about their interests while you can listen and nod. Afterward, you can share what books, movies, or tv shows you are into.

Children and Family — This is a good topic if you know that someone has children, has recently had a baby, or has recently gotten married. You can ask, “How’s the baby doing?” or “How’s are you enjoying being a new mother?” or “How’s married life?” or “How are your children enjoying their summer/winter vacation?”

The Weather — This is a bit cliche, but it is a good standby if all else fails. You can ask, “How are you enjoying this warm weather?” or “Are you looking forward to the snow?” If nothing else, it’s a good ice breaker (pun intended).

I’m not a fan of small talk, but I’ve found that having some talking points handy makes it more bearable. Do you have any go-to topics that you use for small talk?